Badly in love.....Help...or...

[Razor Blade]

Allright I just have to say it, I can't take it in anymore.

I just returned about a week and half ago from vacation, the problem is I fell in love with a girl there, now this ain't that bad because I go there on vacation twice a year.
The problem is however i'm really, really, REALLY badly in love at first i tought it would go over, that it was just casual.
I quickly discovered this wasn't the case.
Now she is 26 i'm 21(well soon I will be) at first I saw this as a problem, so I was in love but that age difference was bugging me so when I finally decided that age wasn't that much of a problem she wen't back home (well she lives like three hours away from me when i'm on vacation in Bosnia).
I know she feels the same about me but the age difference is preventing her to be with me together.
Now I do have her phone number but I feel that I can't call her or type a message about my feelings and all because it "feels" not right over the phone, I feel like I should tell it in her eyes.
But waiting a whole year isn't really that easy when you're really in love.
Also, she's reducing the contact between us because she knows my feelings(I think, there was flirting from both sides).
Anyhow a week before I headed back here to Belgium I discovered she found a boyfriend he is also there on vacation but he's from USA.
Now I don't know i'm preparing myself on that it could work between them so next year I come she might have someone, but I believe it won't last long because a relationship on distance is really hard especially when you're from USA that distance is really long....

I don't know what to do anymore, I also just graduated so i'm looking for a job atm, so I have lots of free time and I can't stop thinking about her, I feel lost, depressed and I feel it's afecting me when I go to a job interview.......
I just can't take it anymore...
any advice or something? please?

[Mo]

You ain't gonna like this advice but here it is anyway:

Girls are fubar.  Don't waste your time over a fling.  It ain't worth it, you'll most likely get hurt in the end.  There will be tons more of these "falling in loves".

Finally if she's got a boyfriend, forget about it.  If you see her next year and she's single and interested and you're single and interested then go for it.  In the meantime try and move onto other things.

PS. Girls are crazy mental cases.  In case I didn't already mention that.

[cuchulann]

*There is nothing wrong with a summer fling. Enjoy it for what it was.
*Long distance relationships don't work. This goes for that guy from the U.S. too.
*Under no circumstance should you enter into unrequited love. This only serves to make you write bad poetry and to miss out on plenty of eligible local ladies who are in fact interested in you.

**Best Case Scenario**
If the two of you are really into each other YOU will need to maintain a bare minimum of a bi-weekly contact, and that is for a girl who is honestly into you. I mean phone calls here, in e-mails and private chat or messaging you can't tell if they are kidding, teasing, or flat out lying. I fell to that one and that was with a girl I used to know pretty well. So with regular contact, at best you might be able to get to "Hey I'm going to be near your part of the world later on, want to meet for a drink or something?" or, Summer Fling part 2 "The Mid-Autum Meet-up."

Otherwise, best of luck to you in whatever, but don't try and tear your heart out for her no matter how masochistic you feel.

[Razor Blade]

well the problem is I really don't think this is a fling anymore, I mean I had flings before her but they wen't soon over like in week or two, three...

I feel like this for over a month and it's really killing me it feels like every day it's worse and worse....I mean....I don't know....?

[Talon]

well the problem is I really don't think this is a fling anymore, I mean I had flings before her but they wen't soon over like in week or two, three...

The only problem is that this hasnt even reached potential fling status.

You both met up, you like her, youre unsure as to her feelings towards you.

Shes met up and was having a "fling" with a guy from the US - so at the moment hes one step ahead of you in that aspect. Now hes going back to the US - probably never likely to return, as he appears to have had his once-in-a-lifetime jaunt outside of the motherland.

All you can really do is keep up casual conversation. Call her at least once a week, and always have something to talk about, or at least be interested and conversational about what she has been doing. Theres nothing worse than a "what you been doing? - not much" conversation.

Dont come on too strong - if shes really distancing you, then it sounds like it could be a no go - although speaking with her would be the best way to judge that.

The whole year thing before meeting is a MASSIVE problem. Long distance relationships just dont work. Even long term relationships that suddenly become long distance are pretty much doomed.

If you are completely hopeless, test the waters to see if shes interested (bi-weekly phonecalls), go and visit if shes interested (you have just graduated so lots of free time), and potentially move out there to work for a few months if it works out (follow your heart! )

My advice - stop the empty fantasizing as it only leads to heartache.

p.s. Call her today, or not at all

[Mo]

(follow your heart! )

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...hopeless romantic at work....

 

[420]

Wait, are you in Bosnia or Belgium? If you are in the Belgium, how are the waffles?

I agree with what has been said so far:

If you feel that way do something about it. Don't just sit around stressing yourself out, see if you can get the relationship to go somewhere.

Fling with some jerk from the U.S.? No problem, that will be over soon enough.

-420

[Razor Blade]

Wait, are you in Bosnia or Belgium? If you are in the Belgium, how are the waffles?

I agree with what has been said so far:

If you feel that way do something about it. Don't just sit around stressing yourself out, see if you can get the relationship to go somewhere.

Fling with some jerk from the U.S.? No problem, that will be over soon enough.

-420

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I'm in belgium now, i'm originated from bosnia I go two times in a year to bosnia during summer and during the last weeks of december when it's newyear.

I don't know i don't like waffles....

I will do smt about it, I will when I go back to bosnia, I don't know if it will be possible to go in December now cuz i just graduated and if I find work it won't be possible because I have to save up (save up "vacation days" not money, money I have i'm still working in the restaurant that I had when I was a student) to take a long holiday in the summer....

[Soul Sojourner]

I agree with most of the advice here as well, except for these two things:

*Long distance relationships don't work.

Long distance relationships just dont work.

Now, I agree that long distance relationships that are carried on for too long will eventually fail, if there are not enough visits... and they are completely fucked if there's not enough communication. But I do not agree that long distance relationships are bound to fail just because they are long distance, I think they could last for some time, at least, before ultimately ending in failure. But, the failure itself can be prevented, if the relationship can stay sturdy for long enough for you to do something about the distance.

I say this, because I have had a girlfriend for about a year and a quarter of another, living about 650 miles from me (Believe it or not, exactly 666 miles from my house to where she was living, according to google earth), before we did something about the distance, and now she's living with me and we're engaged to get married come April.

So, I think long distance relationships CAN work, just not forever... you have to do something about the distance before it's too late, but it doesn't have to be immediate.

My advice is to call her, right now. Or don't call at all and drop it, like Talon said.

[Razor Blade]

I agree with most of the advice here as well, except for these two things:

*Long distance relationships don't work.

Long distance relationships just dont work.

Now, I agree that long distance relationships that are carried on for too long will eventually fail, if there are not enough visits... and they are completely fucked if there's not enough communication. But I do not agree that long distance relationships are bound to fail just because they are long distance, I think they could last for some time, at least, before ultimately ending in failure. But, the failure itself can be prevented, if the relationship can stay sturdy for long enough for you to do something about the distance.

I say this, because I have had a girlfriend for about a year and a quarter of another, living about 650 miles from me (Believe it or not, exactly 666 miles from my house to where she was living, according to google earth), before we did something about the distance, and now she's living with me and we're engaged to get married come April.

So, I think long distance relationships CAN work, just not forever... you have to do something about the distance before it's too late, but it doesn't have to be immediate.

My advice is to call her, right now. Or don't call at all and drop it, like Talon said.

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Yeah see I had this same idea.

Long distance relationships are hard but they aren't impossible I personally think that long distance relationships are more intresting because you both don't see eachother that much and when you do, you tend to spend the time with eachother more intimitly.
It's not the same when you are together with a girl that's close to you, you then see eachother more times and after a time you get the feeling like "been there done that" while when you are together with someone that's living further and when you see eachother it's more of a feeling that you really missed her and can't wait to spend time with her.
Offcourse you can't make this last forever and you do have to do something before it's too late so yeah, but I was planning this.

Allright I didn't call her but I did send her a message ( right after reading Talon's reply and she said that she's happy i didn't forget her ), I can't call her just to the fact that's really expensive Bosnia is a country that's recovering from a war it's had, while Bosnia is fairly cheap when you are on vacation there, the calls to there are really expensive.
But in due time i'm going to make calls offcourse but for now we are just going to hear from eachother via sms.

And I didn't see anyone say here about the age? I mean for me it's no problem for the age i'm 21 she's 26.
I made peace with it, but I get the feeling that for her that is the problem.
What do you guys think about the age? and any suggestions how I should tell her that it isn't a problem?

BTW congratulations on the engagment Hell!

[Soul Sojourner]

Yeah see I had this same idea.

Long distance relationships are hard but they aren't impossible I personally think that long distance relationships are more intresting because you both don't see eachother that much and when you do, you tend to spend the time with eachother more intimitly.
It's not the same when you are together with a girl that's close to you, you then see eachother more times and after a time you get the feeling like "been there done that" while when you are together with someone that's living further and when you see eachother it's more of a feeling that you really missed her and can't wait to spend time with her.
Offcourse you can't make this last forever and you do have to do something before it's too late so yeah, but I was planning this.

Allright I didn't call her but I did send her a message ( right after reading Talon's reply and she said that she's happy i didn't forget her ), I can't call her just to the fact that's really expensive Bosnia is a country that's recovering from a war it's had, while Bosnia is fairly cheap when you are on vacation there, the calls to there are really expensive.
But in due time i'm going to make calls offcourse but for now we are just going to hear from eachother via sms.

And I didn't see anyone say here about the age? I mean for me it's no problem for the age i'm 21 she's 26.
I made peace with it, but I get the feeling that for her that is the problem.
What do you guys think about the age? and any suggestions how I should tell her that it isn't a problem?

BTW congratulations on the engagment Hell!

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I quite agree, that was how it was for my fiancé and I, I only ever got to visit her ONE time throughout that year and a quarter, the next time I saw her was when I was picking her up.

Well, that's fine, it was a long time before my fiancé and I ever called eachother, months after we first got into a relationship. We talked every day on forums, IM, and at night on the phone, for as long as 12 hours sometimes.

I don't see the age as a problem at all. You're both adults and 5 years isn't that big of a difference when you're older, and the older you get, the less it matters. That's how I see it. Now, if you were 17 and she was 24 or something, that would be a problem. lol. My girlfriend was 16 when I met her, and I was 18, I had to wait until she was 18 to do much... visits were almost impossible with her parents being the way they are, and lack of money. But she's 18 now and I'm 19, she's a year and a half younger than me. But the age was a problem for us, because of laws, you at least, don't have that problem.

Don't worry about telling her you don't feel that age is an issue, first worry about finding out her feelings towards you, and if they are the feelings you hope for, then start something, if it's working out good, then talk to her about that. If she really likes you, age may be something she still won't like, but it won't get in the way.

Thanks.

[Mercy]

Age is nothing bud. I am about to be 23 and a few months ago, exclusively dated a woman 10 years older and after that lol. Saturday night I went out on a date with a woman who was about 14 years older lol. Older women rock.

[Razor Blade]

Age is nothing bud. I am about to be 23 and a few months ago, exclusively dated a woman 10 years older and after that lol. Saturday night I went out on a date with a woman who was about 14 years older lol. Older women rock.

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You know I experienced that too i've been with girls that were a year or two younger then me and I felt like we weren't on the same level.

Now on the vacation I dated girls that were a bit older then me and they really rocked much more fun and this time I felt like we were on the same "level" that's why I decided age shouldn't be a problem.

Don't worry about telling her you don't feel that age is an issue, first worry about finding out her feelings towards you, and if they are the feelings you hope for, then start something, if it's working out good, then talk to her about that. If she really likes you, age may be something she still won't like, but it won't get in the way.

Well yeah offcourse, but I will have to wait for that I mean I just can't do it over the phone i get the feeling that I have to do it when I see her because it's kinda personal and over the phone i don't know it just doesn't feel right...

[420]

because I have had a girlfriend for about a year and a quarter of another

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So, you have one whole girlfriend and a quarter of another girlfriend?

What do you guys think about the age?

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If you want to know my opinion about the difference in age of people in love I suggest you rent Harold and Maude.

-420

[Soul Sojourner]

So, you have one whole girlfriend and a quarter of another girlfriend?
If you want to know my opinion about the difference in age of people in love I suggest you rent Harold and Maude.

-420

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because I have had a girlfriend for about a year and a quarter of another

of another year... smartass.

Well yeah offcourse, but I will have to wait for that I mean I just can't do it over the phone i get the feeling that I have to do it when I see her because it's kinda personal and over the phone i don't know it just doesn't feel right...

Depends on you, man. My fiancé told me over instant messenger, but that makes more sense since I met her on a forum. =)

[Throbblefoot]

As the only actual female who ever posts here any more, I feel bound to reply:
 - Age differences don't have to be an issue, especially as you get older.
 - Long-distance relationships are doomed in the long run.
 - If she really truly dated you very recently, and is already dating another guy, she might (and please don't take this badly) be a skank.
 
And some more advice you aren't going to like: If you really really think you're in love with this woman, maybe you need to read Romeo and Juliet. How long were you even in the same city? How many hours did you spend with her? I mean, you only met her a month ago, how can you be sure it's truly love and not an infatuation?

Take your time, keep in contact with her (if she's receptive - no cyber-stalking!), and see how it goes.

-Throbblefoot

[Razor Blade]

As the only actual female who ever posts here any more, I feel bound to reply:
 - Age differences don't have to be an issue, especially as you get older.
 - Long-distance relationships are doomed in the long run.
 - If she really truly dated you very recently, and is already dating another guy, she might (and please don't take this badly) be a skank.
 
And some more advice you aren't going to like: If you really really think you're in love with this woman, maybe you need to read Romeo and Juliet. How long were you even in the same city? How many hours did you spend with her? I mean, you only met her a month ago, how can you be sure it's truly love and not an infatuation?

Take your time, keep in contact with her (if she's receptive - no cyber-stalking!), and see how it goes.

-Throbblefoot

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Nope we didn't date, because when I met her I was struggling with the age difference I wasn't sure about it by the time I decided it shouldn't be a issue she was allready gone (she lives like 3 hours away from me in Bosnia) so she isn't a skank lol.

We spended enough time for me to know that I like her and that we have the same intrests, I mean when I first met and saw her i tought "nope not my type" but as I got to know her, talked to her, saw what she likes/dislikes etc and it's that what I fell in love with as I saw how she was and all that's when....and i'm sure it's not a fling or infatuation because I never felt this way, i'm feeling sad that she's 1700km away from me, i'm a bit mad because i didn't react sooner of that stupid age difference....
and it's been over a month ago and I still feel the same way as before....

[Soul Sojourner]

So... how many miles is that? LOL

[Razor Blade]

So... how many miles is that? LOL

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according to this site
1700Km is 1056.33 miles....

[Soul Sojourner]

Ah, but that's only a simple jog...

[Throbblefoot]

so she isn't a skank lol.

Have fun proving all the things she isn't.

and it's been over a month ago and I still feel the same way as before....

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Oh, I see: you really *do* need to read Romeo and Juliet. Here's a free online version:
Romeo and Juliet thought it was love for "over a month" too....

If you can tell me in 5 years that you still feel the same way, I might concede it's love.

-Throbblefoot

PS- You didn't say how much time you spent together.  Maybe we should start a betting pool. I'm going with 7 hours over 5 days....

[Soul Sojourner]

That play kicks ass, I don't care who says what!

Taming of the Shrew was a good one too, aye aye! I remember once where I read the part of Petruchio (forgot how it was spelled, but that's probably close), and I did the voice acting and all... it was sweet.

[Razor Blade]

Have fun proving all the things she isn't.
 Oh, I see: you really *do* need to read Romeo and Juliet. Here's a free online version:
Romeo and Juliet thought it was love for "over a month" too....

If you can tell me in 5 years that you still feel the same way, I might concede it's love.

-Throbblefoot

PS- You didn't say how much time you spent together.  Maybe we should start a betting pool. I'm going with 7 hours over 5 days....

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hmm, first of all why are you so sceptical about everything I say.

The time we spended together, was about 2-3 hours every day, one whole day at a pool, and one entire night at a party (that night was just talking, dancing nothing more lol) and that all spreaded over 5 days.

[Mo]

My original advice still stands.  

You never had a romantic relationship with her while you were there.  At least this is what I'm understanding from these posts.  It will be rather difficult to start one from 1500km away.

Either you remain on a casual terms with her until you see her the next time.  Or you bust out all the stops telling her how she's a goddess and that you'd like to make sweet love her...You either get what you want or nothing at all.  At least there won't be any ambiguity.  You may not want to be as blunt as quoting me would be.

[Throbblefoot]

All I meant is that there's no telling what another person isn't.

I'm not skeptical about what you say, Razor. I'm skeptical about how many things seem just like love for the first year or five. Frankly, if you didn't date her, you should just leave her alone til you see her again on vacation, and hope for the best.

Believe that my advice is sincere - Lord knows I wouldn't agree with Mo on principal.

-Throbblefoot

[Mo]

- Lord knows I wouldn't agree with Mo on principal.

-Throbblefoot

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Ha!

 

[Soul Sojourner]

Believe that my advice is sincere - Lord knows I wouldn't agree with Mo on principal.

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Girls are fubar?

[Mo]

Girls are fubar?

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Certainly they are :yes:

[Razor Blade]

All I meant is that there's no telling what another person isn't.

I'm not skeptical about what you say, Razor. I'm skeptical about how many things seem just like love for the first year or five. Frankly, if you didn't date her, you should just leave her alone til you see her again on vacation, and hope for the best.

Believe that my advice is sincere - Lord knows I wouldn't agree with Mo on principal.

-Throbblefoot

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Thanks for the advice Throbble I know what you mean now.

BTW what's fubar?

[Mo]

Thanks for the advice Throbble I know what you mean now.

BTW what's fubar?

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fucked up beyond all recognition