The CW network announced their new shows today and when I read an article about it I actually started to suspect it was a joke printed by the Associated Press. If this is what passes for TV now-a-days, then TV is a dying medium and we are witnessing its geriatric, intensive care years.
Original ArticleThe new "Gossip Girl," about a group of prep school teenagers in Manhattan, will be given the biggest push.
Remember when MAD TV made fun of "Pretty White Kids with Problems"? Yeah...
The CW's only new comedy, "Aliens in America," is about a high school student trying to adjust to a Pakistani exchange student.
A comedy?!?! Are they kidding?
The new drama "Reaper" features one of the CW's oldest new characters: a 21-year-old. His parents sold his soul to the devil and he's assigned to track down evil escapees from hell.
A drama?!?! Are they serious?
"Life is Wild" is a drama about a New York City family spending a year at a game reserve in South Africa.
And next season... what? They go to a game reserve in South America?
On Sunday nights, the network will debut "The CW Now," an entertainment-oriented newsmagazine for 18-to-34-year-olds.
First of all, where do they get that age range from? It's like someone just wrote down four random numbers and then put them together.
Secondly, how dare they include the word "news" in that description. I doubt there will be anything even resembling news in that show.
"Online Nation" will talk about what's hot on the Web.
Why in the hell would I watch a TV show to find out about what's on the Web? That's completely fucking backwards!
In midseason, the CW will bring on a reality show, "Farmer Wants a Wife," about a country guy choosing among 10 women fed up with big-city prospects.
At this point it becomes clear that the reporter is suffering from a combination of chemically induced psychosis (possibly peyote) and intoxication from either brake fluid or antifreeze.
Corporate parents CBS Corp. and Time Warner Inc. had hoped the CW could become a fifth major network by combining the best of its predecessors, but it has often slipped behind Univision in the ratings during a disappointing first year.
Now
this seems to be the only sensible, insightful and truthful statement in the entire article. I guess the reporter had what alcoholics call a "moment of clarity" during his otherwise debauched rantings.
-420
