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The Official Joke Thread

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Mercy:
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph.'
Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ralph.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout.....
'Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!'

Soul Sojourner:
Ha!

Well, I pinned this one for you like you wanted, and found all of your old ones and gathered them up for you. =)

Mercy:
Woot! Thanks HeLL! :D

Mercy:
This one made me think of you, my friends overseas. :D


European Heighten Threat Levels

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran
out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher
levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


And just remember, The Merc <3's you all.

Soul Sojourner:

--- Quote ---Woot! Thanks HeLL! :D
[snapback]36820[/snapback]
--- End quote ---
You are welcome. :)

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